jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (i don't fucking know)
I don't even know what to label this.

So I freaked out at the gym over a fire alarm and was just getting over that when Stepdad got some good news from a maybe-employer?

Like. My blood pressure doesn't even know what to do right now. My heart feels like it's beating sideways. If that makes sense.

I'm pretty sure drinking a Mountain Dew right now? Would calm me down.

tl;dr what am feelings?
jheti: (uhura on debra's desk)
This is our obligatory don't bury me I'm not dead entry.

I am. Mostly on Plurk these days; toss me an email if you want my Plurk handle thing, but you'll be sitting through a lot of [tron] and [rp] and [irl] navelgazing.

I mostly use LJ entirely for roleplaying now; that's also where almost all of my writing urge and skill goes these days, except for papers. I'm writing a lot of papers. So many that I've discovered that I can bang out about three pages of academic drivel, with no errors and mostly-correct citations, in a little less than two hours, while in a blind panic about submitting it on time.

I'm. Officially embarrassed about nine-tenths of the things I have up on ff.net, but nothing on my even trashier alternate account is any better.

The Tron fandom has taken over my mild obsessional tendencies, because it's got the same draw as everything I love about Star Trek, plus Jeff Bridges.

Or, well, Jeff Bridges' voice and I kind of want to sit in his lap while he reads the phone book, I'm so not kidding.

Everything that man says. Everything. All the things. UNF.

Tron fandom may actually be the source of my first ever Nano project; if I get started NOW, I might even be able to finish it by 11/30/11.

I didn't get picked for a bunch of jobs, but I was selected for this amazing independent study that's going to look delicious on my resume`.

Cool. Now, to someday get paid for it all. Maybe this will be the next step.

I think I fucked up my technical writing program application. Again. Whatever, I'll worry about it on Monday.

I'm so sick of the spam comments that I just leave them where they are. It's not worth the effort of screening them.
jheti: (big bad world)
I know some of you have friends and relatives in Japan.

Is everyone alright?

Please, please, please take a second to check in here when you've got the chance.

Praying like mad for everyone brb.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
I stayed up way too late last night pretending to be an evil computer, after a long, hard week, and I don't even have any assignments yet.

Between the low-grade sinus infection and the changes to my vitamin schedule, I'm not really sleeping well.

I might do a mediator certification course this summer. I'm also applying to this totally sweet speechwriter position, because my department advisor insisted that I be forwarded the opportunity. I definitely wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

I don't think I'll get it (I just--don't have the experience they're wanting/needing) but the fact that my guiding professor/THE HEAD OF THE FUCKING DEPARTMENT personally recommended a sweet, srsbns college job opp to me is both

a) thrilling



These people want me in their Rolodex, trollolololo.

I am sort of taken aback by his clear, obvs belief in my actual writing skills. Like to the point that I could use them for a job. A REAL JOB THAT PAYS REAL, GROWNUP MONEY.

AJEKFHSDJKLJksfdfjklhadsfjkhlasjkldfkhjakjsldfhlieuffhfs, indeed.

I have nine presentations, four papers, one research proposal and a TEAM EXPERIMENT to conduct in the next twelve weeks. I also have a constantly-on-the-threshold-of-maybe-being-a-conference-paper to, y'know, actually write.

The AIs are going to overtake the entire station and it is going to be glorious.

I've started actually using my gym membership, because like hell am I going to meet the king of the silver foxes looking like this.

I pulled that goddamn tendon in my leg. It's never been the same since I did that awesome sliding faceplant down the side of a volcano about six years back.

(Yes, really.)

It feels like someone took a shard of glass, and instead of cutting me with it, they sometimes poke the bottom of my foot really fucking hard and scrape and scrape until they almost get blood. Then they stop and repeat when I least expect it.

God, I can tell I'm not twenty anymore. Ow. :D

I've gone back to biting my nails. In other news: snow in New England; war in the Middle East.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (eyes on the prize)
Real quick, before I forget:

If you like world-artsy stuff, check out Bajalia Trading Company. Not only are their goods legit, the money goes back to the people who actually, oh I don't know, made the stuff.

Just guess who's coming to MegaCon.

Um. I think that's all.

Good luck out there, Internet!

Monday is nearly upon us.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)

BIG BIG THANKS [livejournal.com profile] weskerismybitch and [livejournal.com profile] nyohah for the thoughtful gifts: prettyful layout + extra userpics x Tron music or figures (I can't deciiide) = AW HELL YEAAAH.

It is 2011 and we don't have orbital shuttles to the moon colony yet.
Because we don't have a moon colony yet.
We don't even have a space program anymore. (Fuck you, Mr. President. Respectfully. With a strap-on as thick as a baby's arm.)

I am 28 and have been for two days now. I made this badass icon to celebrate. Feel the 80's bb.

I found the building's acoustic sweet spot; I can finally leave the radio on and hear it throughout the house!

I have a car! I'm making payments on it, and I'm learning to drive it. My personal goal is to have my real grownup license by Spring Break 11. She's an '01 and she smells like vomit where the party girl who used to own her urked in the back and let it soak in instead of cleaning it like a decent human being, and NO AMOUNT OF PINE SOL has been able to kill the smell. Seriously, I've tried it twice now. But the CD changer and the air conditioner both work. AT THE SAME TIME, so the majority of my serious needs are met.

I got a 100% on my major paper of the past term. From my scary Japanese sensei. According to her rubrik, not only is that a literal perfect score, but "meets standards for publication after suitable revisions."

I can't be space uke anymore, because I'm being computer controller instead.

I want to update this more frequently and stay in touch better, but really the most I can promise is that I'll try very hard. Basically, as soon as I graduate from this program in December--meaning work on my thesis starts in nine days and remember how invisible I was last time? Yeaah.--but anyway as soon as I'm done with this one, I start my Technical Writing Masters.

So, basically, if I don't freak out and leap off a building from the stress, I'll have two Masters degrees just in time for the end of the world.

Hopefully I'll also be a real live Worker Bee with an Actual Job by then.

I'm not really sure about the whole meeting guys thing; I have a feeling like I'm going to be moving within the next two years, probably toward the West. That'll put me closer to all my United States friends, so I'm not worried at all. I just wish I knew when and how it was happening, but I'll just trust that it will.

Meantime: Spring Break at Universal Citywalk erry night in MAAARRCH; 80's Night DECENT MUSIC ERRY THURSDAY Y'ALL. That's my backup plan if my stepcousin who doesn't actually like me doesn't want to go on a road trip: get hammered and dance with all the other nearly-thirtysomethings.

I have fantasies of making myself a Clu-style jacket out of Goodwill finds and reflective tape, but I can't actually sew.

Also: I really love Starbucks. Sometimes that prefab, commercialized bullshit cafe` is the prettiest, nicest, best-smelling part of my day.

I think we're done here.

How's life treating ya, babycakes? ♥
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (winners never quit)
2 Slices cinnamon raisin toast, hot, buttered
3 Strips honey glazed bacon, crispy *crunch crunch crunch* :D
1 Egg, over easy
1/2c. Corned beef hash.

Layer: from the bottom up,


jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (ghost ship)
I'm functioning at life! I did all of the following in addition to my ADLs.

Put in for a teaching assistant job
Put in for a phone assistant job
I'm perpetually on the threshold of signing for the title of a car, if my parents can make up their minds as to whether it's a lemon
I'm making myself look at all the data we collected on survivor's guilt! I can't really describe for you the agony.
I got to my meetings despite blowing out a tire on the freeway at rush hour
I found news stories and political books written, black and white, about West Africa in the 90's
I have to find my interview tape for the last session
I have to read my informant's extended biography
I'm getting ready to pick up a church I don't believe in! I don't know what to feel or what to say!
I'm finally writing ~KIRK, WINGED SAVIOR OF THE RIHANNSU~ who also have wings, BECAUSE, and the Vulcans have wings but they pulled them out, trading the sky for the stars
I lost the Star, and I lost the Four of Cups, and I can't take an oracle, and I'm really starting to Two-Face just a little bit about it


I'm also on season two of The Last Airbender after deciding I'd Had Enough last weekend and deserved to hide in my room for like...six and a half hours. Ooops.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
I just came up here to say that I got enough sleep and I can feel where I could live with three or four more nights of that.

Lachrymose. )

I'm sure that's a little off, somewhere, but I don't care anymore.

Oh, I may end up with Ariadne/Arthur. I need to break him, and she's so adorable. No one will ever suspect. Worlds wound tight. The city breathes while they sleep.

See, Cobb/Arthur doesn't work because there's all this gluing back together, holding each other up. Drying your eyes.

You've got it so, so wonderfully backward.

Similarly: Eames has a mouth like a gutter creature, but I can't see him doing the crucial thing. Which is driving the poor boy to tears.

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

There will also be insanely overlarge sentient world-ending ships trying to out-top each other. That will be so much fun.

I always have a certain amount of trouble with the comfort portion of hurt/comfort. How strange.

I promise I did originally come up here to say today is beautiful, just lightly chilly and blue with autumn oncoming. I sprawled on the lawn. Life is so much clearer from a worm's-eye view. Makes the earth tilt a little. Makes the world seem like something you could actually hold on to, like it's permanent, like it means anything. You can smell the grass and feel the water and the dirt.

Well this entry was full of useless TMI. Ta!
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
The tale that you have dialed has been disconnected. There is so much of nothing that I have to say, fifteen minutes' worth and then I sleep the medicine is stroking my brain with soft blue fingers nails blunted past touching, silk soft.

I wait for the coming of night rain. I feel water moving in the darkness, but not in any way that threatens. I am at the threshold of another story, something else uncurling, I don't know for which fandom or why, doesn't matter, does it, I have come to accept that my fiction will all be fan-oriented, that I am not have not are not the soul of a novelist, that not everyone is or does or has.

I have am keeping, keeping time, old promises made in the throes of summer fever in the tide, in spray and salt and good morning, good night.

The Rhythm Of The Saints is, hands down, my all-time favorite album, by any artist anywhere. I notice new layers and thoughts in it every time.

I sat and did my homework in the computer lab tonight; that was a nice experience, that was fun. It took two hours to turn out eight hundred words of competent, adequately-resourced copy (I had to pause to read two sources for proper dissection, or I would have finished in an hour and a half.)

It felt natural, worked out well; I had a nightmare--a tension dream, I guess, one in which I flunked out, of course, but nothing unbearable or violent, just stuff that makes me grind my teeth in my sleep and wake with an aching jaw--about statistics class this morning, I also woke at three this morning, not from the dream but from the barking of the dogs.

I stayed awake on adrenaline and stubbornness until six, then went back to sleep until about noon. Had a minor frustration fueled shouting match with my parents for an hour. I don't even remember what it was about; I think we were all just using it as an excuse to yell at something for awhile.

We are all living under a lot of stress right now, both individually and communally as a unit. I'll just say "whatever" because I don't feel like spending details on it.

Right now, Plants Versus Zombies is my game. I'm on the roof levels and feeling pretty happy about it. I finally got the cat tails on the pool levels; I love the cat tails they are so cute and totally powerful as well.

I'm also looking forward to playing Peggle. I like to play games that leave me a certain amount of non-involvement or room to think about other things outside of the game itself WHILE I'm playing it.

I'm sure this is because when I first started playing games, there was only one Nintendo in the whole neighborhood, and it was at my friend Jennifer's house. So like, the whole neighborhood would come over and hang out in her living room and we would all take turns playing Mario, or, a year or so later, Zelda. (Because we lived overseas, our releases were delayed.)

So yeah. A lot of us would hang out and talk about other things while we watched the game and waited our turn. For me, gaming has always been an at least quasi-social activity. Sometimes it was the only thing I had in common with the other kids at all, the way I got to belong for a few minutes every day.

I think the Wii looks like mad fun. I would totally invite the whole class over to play Mario Party if I had a Wii.

In before "Jesus Jheti you're almost thirty, this isn't how adulthood works."

Adulthood is lonely and boring, you guys. Seriously. Except for brief, bright pockets of awesome known as "meetups."

Time's up for today. I think we made a lot of progress here, today.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
I just wanted it on the books that I'm an actual adult who can complete tasks ahead of schedule, and I proved it by registering for everything for Spring term within six hours of advanced reg becoming available.

Also: anyone know a chill game with actually humanly possible activity checks willing to borrow a second-hand Romulan?

I wanted a dressing room but all the Trek ones are DEEEEAAAAAD.

I will eventually have thoughts on a visit. When I can think.

Sweet oblivion, open your arms.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here [livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I. Should. Probably shower and put on actual clothes. Like a real human being. With shoes and everything. Yeah.


[livejournal.com profile] nyohah's here. asjkdlfhsdjks. :D
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (beautiful snowflake)
Okay, like, I seeeee you out there and I want to stop and say hi and leave nice comments, and I will! But I'm on a time limit here because I have about seventy pages of reading and three short critical analysis treatments to do (NOT HARD, I think in drabbles, which makes me one of those very slow taggers who always has a purple paragraph in response to ANYthing but ANYWAY) so I'm not going to leave comments yet, okay? Okay.

So. Yesterday, I was with the 'rents, chilling out at the Starbucks, because I love Starbucks, completely and unironically and with every fiber of my shriveled dark heart of capitalist pig, and it doesn't matter if they don't love me back; I 'ship Starbucks/ME ♥ ♥ ♥

Do you know why? Because I know, going there, that even if my coffee's kinda shit and the barista is kinda rude, it's still a pretty, clean, mostly quiet environment that's USUALLY playing music I like. About three times out of five it is clean, pretty, quietish, WITH NICE SERVICE.

Sometimes, my visit to Starbucks is the only part of my day where I feel like an actual human being these are beautiful things, they're from catalogues!

Yeah. So. I'm a slave to the green mermaid.

So it was a good visit, full of good if aimless discussion about the Internets and social engineering as a marketing avenue, and we're in the parking-lot, post-coffee-blissed. I'm so replete and happy that I'm half-asleep in the backseat.

(Yes, you're reading this correctly. I am so perpetually sleep-deprived that nice, warm coffee makes me sleepy.)


S-s-s-stop telephonin' me, 'cause I am sick and tired of my phone r-r-ringin'. )

Fuck friendslock, you got an lj-cut. I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (eyes on the prize)
Oh joy!


It reminds me of those long, awkward afternoons in theology class, where I either

A) Skipped to Revelation and savored the blood blood burnydeath action movie sequences
B) Quietly read my pocket dictionary instead.

Yeah, other nerds had comic books inside theirs. Pretty sure I was doin' it wrong. <3

I really do this shit in my spare time! Well, I used to.

I read things like The Little Brown Book of Corporate Advancement and Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit

not because I am a pretentious douchewaffle (though I will proudly admit being an arrogant windbag <3 IT'S MINE I OWN IT, WHATCHU DO NOW BITCHEZ :D)

but because I enjoy the pretty noises English makes when you contort it into all kinds of fun shapes!

I just. Love words. They're kind of my favorite thing.

And one of the things I love most about the Internet is being able to repeat all these catchphrases that have no context. I love this language. It's so weird and adorable and I don't even, can't sentence properly.

The best part is? We'll leave all this stuff behind, screaming THIS and FIRST and IAWTP, and our children and grandchildren will be largely unable to decipher any of it.

Ain't that the bee's knees.

Or possibly a humdinger. It's definitely one of those.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
Today is the fifteenth anniversary of the US movie theater release of Mortal Kombat.

I remember this vividly, because it was the first Pg-13 movie I ever saw on my own, and the first movie I ever snuck into for a repeat.

That was pretty much the best summer of my life, honestly.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
I've never had a panic attack that gave me chest pains before! It also woke me up. So that was all-new.

It feels good to me, makes me feel alright
It feels good to me, makes my burdens light
Just a little

I can kind of taste blood, and I have no idea where it came from, but it seems to have stopped.

I know you wanna leave me
But I refuse
To let you go

It's gonna be a GREAT DAY!!!!1
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)
I'm still running on California time.

At least I'm only physically tired. I hadn't realized how...utterly low. I was feeling. All. The. Time. Before. Emotionally.

And with my William Shatner impression out of the way, this: I have to get my list of data together for that paper I'm going to finish by flying through it in four days when I've had the whole term to do it? At least I've actually done the reading for a change, and have something to show my professor this afternoon if I hustle; I'll send it at five, like a real workday champ.

It's Not Your Fault: Disconfirming Identity Communication as Social Support for Survivors of Suicide, I think. Which is a lengthy title, but absolutely clear. Length is only Wrong if it confuses or obfuscates.

What is this catharsis of which you speak.

If I had been paying as much attention to my classes as I did to the freaking roleplay, last year, I wouldn't be out on this limb trilling this message. However, it is significantly repairing a key faculty interaction.

You can't say relationship, everyone assumes The Graduate when you say the r-word, nevermind that she's a married mother of three hyperactive young boys and hasn't hardly time to find socks that match, let alone think of doing anything improper.

No, you're a twenty-something female coed, so YOU MUST BE VULNERABLE TO SEDUCTION AND/OR A DIRTY SLUT.

We've come so far. Woo feminism. Way to not assume anything. Nice.

I was so sure this entry had a point. I'm gonna go write in my sketchbook and then hit the books IRL.

Oh, excitement.
jheti: (moonwalker)
For the next seven days, I will be in California.

Among my objectives are meetups, the Zoo of the Province of San Diego, an aquarium or two, The Shawshank Redemption, and Disneyland. Because they have something that until a few weeks ago I could not have here, and to see The Captain is always, always, always better with a friend.

We are here to change the world. If you do nothing else with your life, live by that.

Not every butterfly pulls a hurricane from over China. No one said it had to be major. Big, sweeping changes are principally a matter of timing combined with one's life training suddenly becoming more important. Standing in a deluge with your tongue stuck out, hoping for that one special drop of rain.

Put your tongue back in your mouth. Use it to laugh. Spin until you're dizzy; drown standing up. Know that you're alive.

Then grab a bucket and help the neighbors.

I'm flying, Jack!

Leave a message at the tone.

At the sound of the tone, the time will be...

I should probably actually pack. That might help a lot.
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (beautiful snowflake)
I always wonder who had this number before me, because I don't have a texting plan and I don't text, and my phone is so old that they charge me a quarter per message.

But I get texts anyway. And not all of them are "Please pay your bill!" or "Thank you for paying your bill."

I just got one a few minutes ago, as follows: "Happy Birthday Ash!! Hope you got the winning lotto ticket."

So. Perhaps the intended recipient, whoever they are, will see the message through the power of Google and know that I Have No Idea Who wishes them a pleasant birthday.


Whoever you are. ♥
jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (ghost ship)
Okay, it's been a year, I figure I'm safe. From what I'm not sure, to start using this as a personal journal again; stream of consciousness for the win, woo woo brain piss.

I more or less think like this, when I'm unguarded and not showing off for company. )


jheti: Inara from Firefly, by Angiefaith. (Default)

August 2012

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