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Fear (Powerful Drug)
I finished with a twenty-three hour day.
GASP HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.
Finish whining into my journal. Throw the dishes into the dishwasher, in varying degrees of literal throw. Put on sleeping T-shirt.
Cue mom, panicking in the other room. "Get me a jar, a glass, something, QUICK."
Fucking huge black round-assed spider. I'd say he was the size of a half-dollar, if you included his long, spindly twitching legs. A little smaller around than a quarter if you didn't.
She caught it in a bedside glass while I scrambled for something to cover the one I'd picked up. She was in her pajamas, so I held the glass/kept the spider trapped while she put some clothes on in order to go dispose of it.
It was so big I could see its pedipalps. It was wiggling them at me, poking at me against the glass. I think maybe he could feel the heat of my hands, because he started to do that "I am A THREAT, GRR I'M A SCARY SPIDER" posturing that they do, and god, why couldn't it have been an opaque cup, but I'll settle for it not being able TO EAT ME.
I've mentioned they're one of a half-dozen things that actually frighten me to incapacity?
The least rational of my fears is space. Either too much or too little. I feel...coiled...in an elevator if there is even one other person in it. Three other people is my comfort limit. An actual crowded elevator makes me nauseous. And, always, regardless of the number of people inside it, when it touches bottom but doesn't open RIGHT AWAY, a lingering dread crawls over me that it might be stuck, that I might be trapped in here god no please no no no.
Anyway. So, now I'm trying to chill out enough to sleep. And this cockroach of a size that we can only raise here in Florida, long as my index finger and just about as wide as two fingers side-by-side, swoops down at my face.
I'm generally not afraid of those. They're so easy to kill and also, usually, pretty small. WHAM WHAM WHAM flush. Solves the problem.
It's different when you see a motion out of the corner of your eye, and then suddenly it's IN YOUR FACE.
At one-thirty I took a sleeping pill and went to bed. It was two-forty before I turned the lights off.
I had awesome nightmares about this guy who stabbed kids to death and hung them up in his closet, then threw his son in there for time out.
See, the problem with a full pill on no sleep is that you then cannot wake up. XD
The thrill of fear, now greatly enjoyed with courage
When I once was innocent
It's still here
But in different places
GASP HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.
Finish whining into my journal. Throw the dishes into the dishwasher, in varying degrees of literal throw. Put on sleeping T-shirt.
Cue mom, panicking in the other room. "Get me a jar, a glass, something, QUICK."
Fucking huge black round-assed spider. I'd say he was the size of a half-dollar, if you included his long, spindly twitching legs. A little smaller around than a quarter if you didn't.
She caught it in a bedside glass while I scrambled for something to cover the one I'd picked up. She was in her pajamas, so I held the glass/kept the spider trapped while she put some clothes on in order to go dispose of it.
It was so big I could see its pedipalps. It was wiggling them at me, poking at me against the glass. I think maybe he could feel the heat of my hands, because he started to do that "I am A THREAT, GRR I'M A SCARY SPIDER" posturing that they do, and god, why couldn't it have been an opaque cup, but I'll settle for it not being able TO EAT ME.
I've mentioned they're one of a half-dozen things that actually frighten me to incapacity?
The least rational of my fears is space. Either too much or too little. I feel...coiled...in an elevator if there is even one other person in it. Three other people is my comfort limit. An actual crowded elevator makes me nauseous. And, always, regardless of the number of people inside it, when it touches bottom but doesn't open RIGHT AWAY, a lingering dread crawls over me that it might be stuck, that I might be trapped in here god no please no no no.
Anyway. So, now I'm trying to chill out enough to sleep. And this cockroach of a size that we can only raise here in Florida, long as my index finger and just about as wide as two fingers side-by-side, swoops down at my face.
I'm generally not afraid of those. They're so easy to kill and also, usually, pretty small. WHAM WHAM WHAM flush. Solves the problem.
It's different when you see a motion out of the corner of your eye, and then suddenly it's IN YOUR FACE.
At one-thirty I took a sleeping pill and went to bed. It was two-forty before I turned the lights off.
I had awesome nightmares about this guy who stabbed kids to death and hung them up in his closet, then threw his son in there for time out.
See, the problem with a full pill on no sleep is that you then cannot wake up. XD
The thrill of fear, now greatly enjoyed with courage
When I once was innocent
It's still here
But in different places