At Length (Fragmentary)
Jan. 31st, 2007 10:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jheti
I saw the newest Phantom movie yesterday.
I am only vaguely acquainted with "the" story, perhaps unfairly so. All I know comes from a handful of songs off a now-broken cassette.
The fanpoodles were up in arms about this movie when it came out. Oh, it's crap, oh, it's wonderful, oh, Christine is gorgeous fawn fawn swoon.
I did not have high expectations, and therefore I was not disappointed.
No. I lie. I was disappointed.
To start: not Michael Crawford. I know, I know how hideously unfair that is, but HE IS the Phantom, and this guy was just some dude in a cape with a white plastic wedge glued to his head.
He earned my respect by hitting "the note" in "Music of the Night". I refer to it as "the note" because I barely know the difference between C, F, and A keys, and nothing else about music at all.
"The note" is the point in a singer's range at which their voice stops being human and resounds like an instrument. Most capable singers have one. He has two. I suppose I can thus forgive him for over-acting and not looking scary enough.
Christine is mind-blowingly PLAIN. She's not ugly, but she's relentlessly not beautiful at all. And her boobs keep changing size, shape, and strategic position according to the needs of the scene. You can actually fast-forward the footage and watch the padding appear. Suck on that, swooning fangirls.
Also, her highest note in the theme song? The one she stands on and repeats where Sarah Brightman would have leaped thirteen octaves without even trying?
That note she's abusing is mine. That's as far up as I go. *Smirk.*
Plain, flat-chested contraltos are a dime a thousand. Don't tell me they couldn't have found someone with a better range and some boobs. They must have auditioned billions of girls! It's Christine.
I mentioned she's not pretty? How ridiculous.
Raoul is the most ineffectual creature I've ever laid eyes on. It kinda makes me want him. I have issues. Yes.
As for the story: was Eric always a serial killer-type dude who ran around strangling people, or did they make that up?
Dude. Raoul should have fucking drowned or been crushed under the portcullis. That would have beenhot awesome instead of GOD NO NOT A NOOSE PLEASE GOD.
...Focus, Jheti, focus. (Ex dee).
It fascinates me, it leaves me agape, how much of a stupid, useless object Christine is, but I was always drawn to object!girls. Though usually they are creatures in a physical sense, they are dolls or swans or necklaces and only become girls again through the prince's intervention or intrusion on their perfect butflawlessly immalleable uncuddly physical state.
Lot's wife was patently not interesting until she became a pillar of salt. XD
I should do an entry or more on identity, on this concept, but it's too close for comfort on a Livejournal.
Christine has less life than Hoffman's clockwork doll, but through it all she's made ofbad padding flesh, and never becomes other than flesh, though she's flesh in peril at a few points. It's astounding.
And if I'm hit over the head with how pure and virginal she is (because the "Christ" in her name wasn't a massive neon cluestick with which they beat us relentlessly?) one more time
I WILL SCREAM.
But yah the Phantom hits some nice notes and Raoul's hot liek whoa. Until they threw a rope around his neck and I threw the remote at the screen in a blind panic. Lollerskates.
The end.
Oh, no, there's more! (Sometimes autosave is a godsend; I thought all the Phantom nonsense from this morning was gone, but here it was when I logged in again! NONE SHALL BE SPARED. *Hubris hubris tragic egothing gloating.*)
And as of later today:
I'm so wiped.
Shoulder = ohthepain.
We watched a portion of Troy in class today.
There is but one word for this movie, and that is "UNF".
Dearest Diary, when I grow up I want tobe Achilles ... be RESCUED by Achilles ... BE ACHILLES.
Yah. He dies. So? Greek heroes die. It's a cultural epidemic of sorts. XD
(I am reading the Iliad, or at least enough to follow along and go OMG THEY DID NOT!!1 every time the movie messes stuff up. ;^p)
And I have a gigantic library book all full of pictures of stained glass, because I decided that yes, Virginia, I MUST WRITE five pages on the subject because BEAUTY.
I ought to go screw with my to-do list up top. But I'm scared. *Whimper.*
SHOULDER HURTS AAARRRGHHH.
I am only vaguely acquainted with "the" story, perhaps unfairly so. All I know comes from a handful of songs off a now-broken cassette.
The fanpoodles were up in arms about this movie when it came out. Oh, it's crap, oh, it's wonderful, oh, Christine is gorgeous fawn fawn swoon.
I did not have high expectations, and therefore I was not disappointed.
No. I lie. I was disappointed.
To start: not Michael Crawford. I know, I know how hideously unfair that is, but HE IS the Phantom, and this guy was just some dude in a cape with a white plastic wedge glued to his head.
He earned my respect by hitting "the note" in "Music of the Night". I refer to it as "the note" because I barely know the difference between C, F, and A keys, and nothing else about music at all.
"The note" is the point in a singer's range at which their voice stops being human and resounds like an instrument. Most capable singers have one. He has two. I suppose I can thus forgive him for over-acting and not looking scary enough.
Christine is mind-blowingly PLAIN. She's not ugly, but she's relentlessly not beautiful at all. And her boobs keep changing size, shape, and strategic position according to the needs of the scene. You can actually fast-forward the footage and watch the padding appear. Suck on that, swooning fangirls.
Also, her highest note in the theme song? The one she stands on and repeats where Sarah Brightman would have leaped thirteen octaves without even trying?
That note she's abusing is mine. That's as far up as I go. *Smirk.*
Plain, flat-chested contraltos are a dime a thousand. Don't tell me they couldn't have found someone with a better range and some boobs. They must have auditioned billions of girls! It's Christine.
I mentioned she's not pretty? How ridiculous.
Raoul is the most ineffectual creature I've ever laid eyes on. It kinda makes me want him. I have issues. Yes.
As for the story: was Eric always a serial killer-type dude who ran around strangling people, or did they make that up?
Dude. Raoul should have fucking drowned or been crushed under the portcullis. That would have been
...Focus, Jheti, focus. (Ex dee).
It fascinates me, it leaves me agape, how much of a stupid, useless object Christine is, but I was always drawn to object!girls. Though usually they are creatures in a physical sense, they are dolls or swans or necklaces and only become girls again through the prince's intervention or intrusion on their perfect but
Lot's wife was patently not interesting until she became a pillar of salt. XD
I should do an entry or more on identity, on this concept, but it's too close for comfort on a Livejournal.
Christine has less life than Hoffman's clockwork doll, but through it all she's made of
And if I'm hit over the head with how pure and virginal she is (because the "Christ" in her name wasn't a massive neon cluestick with which they beat us relentlessly?) one more time
I WILL SCREAM.
But yah the Phantom hits some nice notes and Raoul's hot liek whoa. Until they threw a rope around his neck and I threw the remote at the screen in a blind panic. Lollerskates.
The end.
Oh, no, there's more! (Sometimes autosave is a godsend; I thought all the Phantom nonsense from this morning was gone, but here it was when I logged in again! NONE SHALL BE SPARED. *Hubris hubris tragic egothing gloating.*)
And as of later today:
I'm so wiped.
Shoulder = ohthepain.
We watched a portion of Troy in class today.
There is but one word for this movie, and that is "UNF".
Dearest Diary, when I grow up I want to
Yah. He dies. So? Greek heroes die. It's a cultural epidemic of sorts. XD
(I am reading the Iliad, or at least enough to follow along and go OMG THEY DID NOT!!1 every time the movie messes stuff up. ;^p)
And I have a gigantic library book all full of pictures of stained glass, because I decided that yes, Virginia, I MUST WRITE five pages on the subject because BEAUTY.
I ought to go screw with my to-do list up top. But I'm scared. *Whimper.*
SHOULDER HURTS AAARRRGHHH.
