Authoritarian (Critical Analysis)

Why exactly is everyone in the fandom but me so excited about Keith R. DeCandido?

He could kill Vulcans with his brain. (With his sentence structure alone. See: How the Borg Spent Their Summer Vacation as Exhibit A.)

Guy makes Kevin J. Anderson look like Proust. For fucksake. Or maybe Melville.

Okay, okay, done proving I can read actual books. Still, aaaaughafkljshljks D:

Do not want.

Lights Out (Everybody Walk The Dinosaur)

confessionsbook.

If I were stranded on a deserted island and had only 3 books that I had to choose from, it would be A Thousand Splendid Suns written by Khaled Hosseini.

There are no other books in this entry, except, of course The Kite Runner.

Okay, so...three copies of Kite Runner Guy? Okay, maybe you really like this book. I'm not one to judg--

I have not read many books from Nicholas Sparks but have watched many movies based off his books such as The Notebook, and The Time Traveler’s Wife.

NICHOLAS. SPARKS. THE. TIME. TRAVELER'S. WIFE. NICHOLAS SPARKS.

Spooooooocccccckkkkk!

I can't even. It's like, it's like she's saying things, and they're kind of about books? But. They make no sense.

Also? Ew. I understand that Kahled Hosseini is a Big Important Author and we Must All Learn A Lot About Ourselves~ and he's quite knowledgeable about things I know nothing about, in evocative language, so at least it's entertaining.

Nicholas fucking Sparks.

I don't understand. You CAN read, so why aren't you?

Here's what I'd like to challenge you to do. The first step is the hardest.

ONE: turn off Oprah.

I know, I know it hurts the first time, but just trust me and relax and we'll get through this, baby. We're going to try something a little harder, now.

TWO: go to the bookstore. Do not stop at the cafe` area for a Frappucino. BE STRONG, MY CHILD, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.

THREE: go to a shelf. Any shelf that is NOT the two for one bestseller rack or the romance shelf. If you need to, bring a friend who will hold your hand, or a spouse who will gently wipe away the tears of anguish.

FOUR: put your hand on the spine of a book. Any book. Doesn't matter which one. Now, close your eyes.

FIVE: run your hand down the shelf, feeling the spines of the books in the dark, and stop when you feel like you should stop.

SIX: whatever this book is--cooking, stereo instructions, My First Colonoscopy--open it up.

SEVEN: go back to the cafe`, order that Frappucino, and don't leave the store until you've read that entire freaking book.