Chronicles of Riddick (Scenery Blither)
Jul. 25th, 2008 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jheti
Red pencil of joy: There is a book, and it's by Alan Dean Foster. (I would not describe him as fantastic, but he's never less than competent and often very good. My hopes are thus somewhat raised.)
I don't go to the cinema to think.
I spend all my working time and most of my "free" time on tasks of high cognitive complexity.
When I get to the theatre, I want to not think as hard as possible. I want it easily spelled out for me what I should think, and then I want to see explosions and French kissing and guns, and lots of all three.
This movie. It's a whole other world of stuff.
Do you know why this movie failed? There are two reasons.
Vin Diesel's detractors will be happy to know I am forced to admit...reason one: he cannot act.
He's a lumbering, rock-solid slice of sweaty stupid that I'd love to grind into the floor with my lower anatomy, but he can't act to save his life. XD
Two: the Necromongers are the ugly face of the Crusades, and a white mostly-Christian audience absolutely cannot accept that.
The more I look at the movie in still frame, the more apparent this becomes, the sheer...the deliberation with which everything of theirs was designed to have a heavy, tomb-like grandeur.
Whereas, in the Lord of the Rings (I just spent the last four hours watching the final installment), Gondor is heavily...Well. The throne room? Screams Italian cathedral at the top of its variegated marble lungs. I speak from firsthand experience.
In LotR, the goodguys live in churches.
In Riddick, the badguys do. ^_~
You can tell me this is because JRRT was Catholic, and so on, and so on. Fine. I'm not attacking Christianity.
I am saying that giving the Necromongers a church to play in was a bad, bad idea that the masses couldn't swallow. XD
They're hulking evil knights serving a dark and twisted god-king with complete unswerving devotion. They are, in short, nothing less than the Romans merged with the Crusaders, worshiping death itself.
Hi there, buttons. <3
The movie is just beautiful from start to stop, and no matter what one thinks of the excrementious script, it doesn't ever stop being a beautiful, delicious visual treat of glee.
THE COSTUMES OKAY.
Thandie Newton is so gorgeous in these things. Even Alexa Davalos has a fascinating...I can't tell if they're zippers or grommets; they're designed to look sort of like both.
Alright, fine, made me look. XD
Oh, Karl Urban, I love you so.
Look at him. He is man-tastic.
What's the crude phrase? Tap that ass? Oh, yes, I would. So hard. <3
And he is going to be DR. LEONARD H. MCCOY I do declare, mercy me, oh, and I cannot wait I cannot wait I cannot wait.
Then, of course, they also pressed the "King of Hell" button for me very hard at the end.
I still want to do this movie some justice, but I don't have the time.
Are there movie novelizations? I didn't think to look. Unfortunately, it completely tanked at the theater, so there's not a lot of merchandise/Net presence/awesome stuff floating around.
Weirdly enough, CoR: Escape from Butcher Bay was one of the better-reviewed action games of that year, and one of the best licensing-based games possibly EVER.
But that didn't make up for the movie tanking like a giant tanking thing. Woe. ;_;
Mmm, I'm going to build a little corner-pocket worship to Dame and Lord Vaako, and nothing can stop me. XD
I don't go to the cinema to think.
I spend all my working time and most of my "free" time on tasks of high cognitive complexity.
When I get to the theatre, I want to not think as hard as possible. I want it easily spelled out for me what I should think, and then I want to see explosions and French kissing and guns, and lots of all three.
This movie. It's a whole other world of stuff.
Do you know why this movie failed? There are two reasons.
Vin Diesel's detractors will be happy to know I am forced to admit...reason one: he cannot act.
He's a lumbering, rock-solid slice of sweaty stupid that I'd love to grind into the floor with my lower anatomy, but he can't act to save his life. XD
Two: the Necromongers are the ugly face of the Crusades, and a white mostly-Christian audience absolutely cannot accept that.
The more I look at the movie in still frame, the more apparent this becomes, the sheer...the deliberation with which everything of theirs was designed to have a heavy, tomb-like grandeur.
Whereas, in the Lord of the Rings (I just spent the last four hours watching the final installment), Gondor is heavily...Well. The throne room? Screams Italian cathedral at the top of its variegated marble lungs. I speak from firsthand experience.
In LotR, the goodguys live in churches.
In Riddick, the badguys do. ^_~
You can tell me this is because JRRT was Catholic, and so on, and so on. Fine. I'm not attacking Christianity.
I am saying that giving the Necromongers a church to play in was a bad, bad idea that the masses couldn't swallow. XD
They're hulking evil knights serving a dark and twisted god-king with complete unswerving devotion. They are, in short, nothing less than the Romans merged with the Crusaders, worshiping death itself.
Hi there, buttons. <3
The movie is just beautiful from start to stop, and no matter what one thinks of the excrementious script, it doesn't ever stop being a beautiful, delicious visual treat of glee.
THE COSTUMES OKAY.
Thandie Newton is so gorgeous in these things. Even Alexa Davalos has a fascinating...I can't tell if they're zippers or grommets; they're designed to look sort of like both.
Alright, fine, made me look. XD
Oh, Karl Urban, I love you so.
Look at him. He is man-tastic.
What's the crude phrase? Tap that ass? Oh, yes, I would. So hard. <3
And he is going to be DR. LEONARD H. MCCOY I do declare, mercy me, oh, and I cannot wait I cannot wait I cannot wait.
Then, of course, they also pressed the "King of Hell" button for me very hard at the end.
I still want to do this movie some justice, but I don't have the time.
Are there movie novelizations? I didn't think to look. Unfortunately, it completely tanked at the theater, so there's not a lot of merchandise/Net presence/awesome stuff floating around.
Weirdly enough, CoR: Escape from Butcher Bay was one of the better-reviewed action games of that year, and one of the best licensing-based games possibly EVER.
But that didn't make up for the movie tanking like a giant tanking thing. Woe. ;_;
Mmm, I'm going to build a little corner-pocket worship to Dame and Lord Vaako, and nothing can stop me. XD
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-07-25 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-26 03:58 am (UTC)Just so you know, there was a novel, a calendar, a soundtrack and some action figures all made for this movie. I know because I have them all. Fanatic much? Naaahhh... LOL!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-26 10:02 pm (UTC)Longish one: how active are y'all? I am Crushed By Thesis and so will probably lurk a lot; that okay?
Wow, awesome collection! ^_^