Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler)

[jheti]

This is one of those manga where I can't follow the fucking panels (I have the same ish with scanlated Naruto and sometimes with Claymore, too) so I'll be watching the anime. I can't decide if the tire-iron-to-the-face shota subtext bothers me or not; I'm only sticking around for Grell anyway, and he seems to be a bit player, and also not interested in setting off an Amber Alert, so I don't forsee this becoming too much of a problem.

Plot: Emo kid makes pact with demon! Demon becomes his Alfred! Together, they fight crime! run a toy company! But there's a chill breath of decay to their products, and something's terribly wrong with the mansion...Yeah, it's been done, but this one promises to be funny, and also contains a crossdressing redhead with pointy teeth and a chainsaw. I don't think I need to explain. Or underline it. Because underlining it might be too obvious.

Maybe blinky text, instead.

(Quadjillion-to-one odds in favor of the fandom being fucking batshit creepy, though. Le sigh.)

Moving right along...Summaries in Jhetivision!

JHETIVISION: Watching gothy shota crap so you don't have to since Yesterday, 2009.



So, we start with a skinny twelve-year-old bareassed except for a whorehouse curtain, floating somewhere in nebulous white space (dead space) carpeted with fallen feathers.

This show already creeps me out. XD

Just after that, we're treated to the intro a Japanese take on an Evanescence video! It's even funnier with the sparkly karaoke subtitles.

Sebastian Michaelsomething (the eponymous butler) is so very obviously programmed to button-push, which is probably why he does nothing for me. (See: Gaara.) Tall, dark, and handsome if you can get over the part where he's a baby-raping demon.

Ciel Phantomhive (the kid in the whorehouse curtain) made a deal with a devil, and got Sebastian, who provides for his every wish except when it isn't good for him. He's a brat, but not quite of KILL WITH FIRE magnitude. He's probably really smart or some shit, seeing as he runs the company all by himself. He has a sweet ginormous sapphire ring that used to belong to his dead daddy. I could use a ring like that. I would totally pawn it for a car.

*Ahem.*

I love the way they handle the buildings and so on, it's all froofy and too delicate. The manga for this one was full of references to all the expensive things; it's like window-shopping in comic form. <3

Anyway, after verbally molesting Ciel describing breakfast in detail, Sebastian terrorizes the staff.

Finian, the boy gardener who wears barettes, also has a Tom Sawyer hat for some reason.

Miriel is the stock hyper-anxious maid who messes everything up. YES BUT THIS ONE HAS GLASSES. They're gonna be pulling her out for laughs a lot. With her around, it will be a long twenty-four episodes. And why can't they just spell it "Merle" or "Mayru"? Those are probably the only phonemes the gaigiin audience can hear, and it would save my eyes from fucking ELVISH where it doesn't fucking belong. *Headdesk.*

Bard is the cook, and he's not sparkly uke enough for there to be fanart of him on the webs, so you don't get a picture. He's American. You can tell because he's blonde, blue-eyed, possessed of a five o' clock shadow, and smoking a cigarette. He tried to cook the steak with a flamethrower! I chuckled irlz y0.

I still can't tell what the flying poopstick Tanaka's deal is, but whatever.

So some guy who runs Ciel's overseas operation is coming for dinner. Only they're going to play Ciel's new boardgame first, because steak takes six hours to cook, or some shit.

The boardgame is awesome and missing from the manga. I remember being deathly bored with this part in-text, because there was nothing here. Anyways. I'm gonna call the Italian guy Mario. He's already a walking stereotype without my help, and it'll save me having to remember what his name is.

So Mario is all, "It must be tough for you living by yourself."

And Ciel's like, "Whoops I'm out the next two turns. Dude, your roll."

Mario CASTS MAGIC MISSLE takes his turn and keeps pressuring Ciel to let a real man handle things. He lands on Eyes of the Dead. Ciel takes a turn, and Mario starts begging for more money and lands on Living Forest the Forest of Death or whatever.

"What a shame," pipes Ciel. "You've lost your legs. How dangerous for you."

HE DOESN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON GET IT GET IT *thrill*. <3

Ultimately, Mario's piece dies in a fire, and he laughs it off. "How awful, I'm losing! No point in finishing this game for me."

And Ciel's all creepy. "We should play 'til the end. Children can be so demanding about their games."

"Oh. Oh. Can I, uh, can I use your telephone? Please excuse me." *Exits with a bow after getting leave.*

THE DIALOGUE. <3

Meanwhile, the comic relief trio mess absolutely everything up. Of course. Sebastian to the rescue! The decimated lawn becomes a Japanese sand garden, the blowtorched cow carcass (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! lulz) becomes beef donburi, and Elvish Maid's total inability to even hold a decanter becomes Sebastian's occasion to whiplash the tablecloth away without even nudging the water glasses.

Annd the flowers are still standing! /Ghostbusters.

There was a cool bit in the manga here where Finian noticed that the iris seeds she'd bought earlier were full and graceful blooms by the time Sebastian got them to the table, and how the hell does he do that?

How the hell, indeed.

(The fact that the human staff are unaware that Sebastian is a demon is apparently a running source of both funny and dramatic tension.)

Anyway, long story short:

Mario is an asshole who sold off the overseas branch he'd just tried to con funds out of Ciel for. Ciel finds this out and sics Sebastian on him.

Mario, all unwitting, heads back up the stairs, in the dark, and opens the door--to find the room empty. "That's odd."

All the rooms are empty. Dark and deserted. Ciel's murmur echoes in his mind: "You're surrounded by the eyes of the dead."

A ghost chases Mario. Like always, instead of looking at them, which would make them freeze in place, Mario freaks out and runs away like hell, and the ghost chases him. Seriously, people, this is not a new concept. He falls down the stairs, screaming blue murder when he lands.

Elvish Maid comes to see what the trouble is and also freaks out. "My goodness! His leg's twisted half off!"

"What a shame," the kid had said, that's what he'd said before, "you've lost your legs. How dangerous for you."

Mario is spazzing by this time and crawls away from her faster than most people can run, into the nearest door he can grab. Never a smart idea in a haunted mansion. It is, of course, pitch black inside.

"This is a closet!"

"What the hell is this?" he gasps. "A closet? What's this on my hand--smells sweet?"

There's one of those eye-level slides on the door. Sebastian peers in with glowing red eyes.

"Oh," he says, "our guest is in such a hurry for dessert. Walking right into the oven like that."

Mario doesn't like the sound of that at all.

He lives. Boo hiss.

Also, why the hell is there Avril in my ending credits? This is clearly a joke disguised as a marketing ploy, but I confess, it's lost on me.

There will be more lulzy thrills next episode! Stay tuned...IF YOU DARE, mwa-haha-HAH-ahahaha. *choke.*

Comments

[starsandtildes.livejournal.com]

my god this series

It's so bad, and so predictable, but my god the characters who show up at Chez Phantomhive are worth it (like ~*~Grell~*~ and ~*~Lau~*~).

[jheti.livejournal.com]

Yeah it...It does a hard rapid stompy dance on my buttons, fer sure, but would I call it "good", no.

BUT GRELL. And okay Sebastian too. And Bard!

GRRRREEEEELLLLLLLLLL. <3

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