Life Skills (Can And Cannot)
Jan. 3rd, 2007 01:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jheti
I'm in an odd mood. Doubtless it must be something I dreamed about, but I can't remember, and. Why does this matter? Why does anything matter? WHY ARE WE HERE? lol.
Notify authorities. Correctly give nature of emergency, address, next of kin, answers to most questions in proper sequence. Sign funeary papers. Write eulogy. Memorize license plates, indelibly. Give okay witness statements. (There is room for improvement, I suppose, but I hope never to have to do it again.)
Long divide correctly to three digits. To five if I have paper. Add correctly to seven digits, more if I have paper. Subtract and multiply not at all well. This is why god invented the calculator.
Drive, badly. I'm much better at parking the car than I am at getting it out of the driveway. I can also parallel park on a fucking DIME, because I'm the king and all the kung-fu are belong to me.
Speaking of, *best Keanu Reeves voice* I know Kung-Fu.
Wield sai. A fib! I cannot use them, but I can hold them correctly, thereby giving the impression that I could. I would be more likely to go for the kitchen. So many weapons in such a small space! It's fantastical. ^_^
Bellydance. Actual, proper, blah blah. Energy + bounce > technique. Ballet, distantly; I remember two foot placements and cannot do any legwork at all. Legwork is not necessary in a packed venue.
Pass class. Often with an A, sometimes with distinction, sometimes with a B.
Asskiss. People like their compliments, and saying, "Wow you look nice!" has never hurt my GPA or employment chances. Bonus because by the time I'm saying it, it's because DAMN, shorty is workin' that outfit. ^_~
Interperet most general Naval slang. Also, swearing like a sailor, literally.
Write with the left hand. Sign name perfectly with the right hand.
Self-publish/bootstrap publish. Could, if pressured, make use of bookbinding and printing knowledge, but this is theoretical and untested.
Sell essay-shaped work to an actual publisher. It's not a living by any stretch, but I've done it before. I'd like to do it again, once all my words are awake.
Write to prompts. Research skills. Determination > didacticism. Mental cross-reference index is strong and fearsome, entirely suited to particular forms of paperwork.
Small ordering tasks (alphabetic, color system) are both hobby and life's blood. Despite this, cleaning is NOT among skills.
Negotiate item prices and some forms of contract.
Handle banking. Cook adequately. New skill: correctly navigate the various headaches associated with a loan. New skill: the money order routine. New skill: cook the same leftovers for three days. New skill: bolting things to the wall, finding wall studs without mechanical help, replacing/testing fuses, some basic repair work with water heaters, trash disposals, washing machines. New skill: how to wash garments in the bathtub! New skill: fill out a mortgage payment. New skill: pedestrian intersection crossing SURVIVE!
Recently polished skill: breaking into own house. (Way to lock yourself out, genius! XD) Recently polished skill: bathing/caring for resisting/ill animals. Recently polished skill: mowing lawn, painting fence, painting house. Recently polished skill: nipping hair of dog.
New skill: Make a Harvey Wallbanger! ^_^
I can actually do rocket science. Or, rather, ballistics. A little. ^_~
Drive. At least not in a manner that won't get me killed. XD
Play with wiring. Fix drywall. Hang Christmas lights.
Lie. Note: I have always been a rotten liar, despite extensive practice. I am not, therefore, likely to improve anytime soon.
Work on a car. Knowing where the pieces are and what they do does not mean I can fix them myself. Besides, the hybrid a) has a warranty and b) would light me up like a Christmas tree if I guessed wrong. lol!
Calculus. Temper control. Either are equally mystifying and impossible.
Notify authorities. Correctly give nature of emergency, address, next of kin, answers to most questions in proper sequence. Sign funeary papers. Write eulogy. Memorize license plates, indelibly. Give okay witness statements. (There is room for improvement, I suppose, but I hope never to have to do it again.)
Long divide correctly to three digits. To five if I have paper. Add correctly to seven digits, more if I have paper. Subtract and multiply not at all well. This is why god invented the calculator.
Drive, badly. I'm much better at parking the car than I am at getting it out of the driveway. I can also parallel park on a fucking DIME, because I'm the king and all the kung-fu are belong to me.
Speaking of, *best Keanu Reeves voice* I know Kung-Fu.
Wield sai. A fib! I cannot use them, but I can hold them correctly, thereby giving the impression that I could. I would be more likely to go for the kitchen. So many weapons in such a small space! It's fantastical. ^_^
Bellydance. Actual, proper, blah blah. Energy + bounce > technique. Ballet, distantly; I remember two foot placements and cannot do any legwork at all. Legwork is not necessary in a packed venue.
Pass class. Often with an A, sometimes with distinction, sometimes with a B.
Asskiss. People like their compliments, and saying, "Wow you look nice!" has never hurt my GPA or employment chances. Bonus because by the time I'm saying it, it's because DAMN, shorty is workin' that outfit. ^_~
Interperet most general Naval slang. Also, swearing like a sailor, literally.
Write with the left hand. Sign name perfectly with the right hand.
Self-publish/bootstrap publish. Could, if pressured, make use of bookbinding and printing knowledge, but this is theoretical and untested.
Sell essay-shaped work to an actual publisher. It's not a living by any stretch, but I've done it before. I'd like to do it again, once all my words are awake.
Write to prompts. Research skills. Determination > didacticism. Mental cross-reference index is strong and fearsome, entirely suited to particular forms of paperwork.
Small ordering tasks (alphabetic, color system) are both hobby and life's blood. Despite this, cleaning is NOT among skills.
Negotiate item prices and some forms of contract.
Handle banking. Cook adequately. New skill: correctly navigate the various headaches associated with a loan. New skill: the money order routine. New skill: cook the same leftovers for three days. New skill: bolting things to the wall, finding wall studs without mechanical help, replacing/testing fuses, some basic repair work with water heaters, trash disposals, washing machines. New skill: how to wash garments in the bathtub! New skill: fill out a mortgage payment. New skill: pedestrian intersection crossing SURVIVE!
Recently polished skill: breaking into own house. (Way to lock yourself out, genius! XD) Recently polished skill: bathing/caring for resisting/ill animals. Recently polished skill: mowing lawn, painting fence, painting house. Recently polished skill: nipping hair of dog.
New skill: Make a Harvey Wallbanger! ^_^
I can actually do rocket science. Or, rather, ballistics. A little. ^_~
Drive. At least not in a manner that won't get me killed. XD
Play with wiring. Fix drywall. Hang Christmas lights.
Lie. Note: I have always been a rotten liar, despite extensive practice. I am not, therefore, likely to improve anytime soon.
Work on a car. Knowing where the pieces are and what they do does not mean I can fix them myself. Besides, the hybrid a) has a warranty and b) would light me up like a Christmas tree if I guessed wrong. lol!
Calculus. Temper control. Either are equally mystifying and impossible.
