BLARRRGH (In The Key Of CAPSLOCK. Flat.)

[jheti]

"Scorpion meets Usagi Kagome Sakura *Melody Destiny Amber Madison Ravenhawke, or Whoever"?

That thing has twenty-four reviews.

And that other silly little girl refuses to just do us all a favor and pack off to, oh, Princess Princess fandom, or somewhere.

I'm busy with stuff for a friend, or I'd do something about this situation. Just ANYthing.

*When I finally write it, Jhera's full real name in English will translate as Melody Destiny Amber Madison Ravenhawke. IT'S THAT AWESOME. And she'll have Legolas' children! Well, she'll be surrogate mommy to them--Aragorn planted them in elfboy's buttcheeks some time ago, and we all know sperm is holy and magical and ♪ ♪ CAN DO ANYTHING. LIKE CURE AIDS. AND CANCER. AND JUST GENERALLY HEAL THE female SICK. ♪ ♪

Saints preserve us.

Also, girls:



A refractive material and a refractory period are enormously different things. To wit:

A refractory period? Boy needs a rest. A refractive wang? AMAZING INVISIBLE PENIS.

Hilarious, yes. Probably your intention? I'm sort of thinking maybe no.

Unless it's Predator fic. XD

And: member, member, member, MEMBER, MEMBER. HOT THROBBING VELVET MEMMMMBERRRRR.

(I just, there have been like, twelve billion fanficrants about this specific word in the last four months, and I don't really see what the big giant deal is. Honestly. I'm sorry, darlings, but in the PUBLISHED, PROFESSIONAL WORLD where they sell REAL LIVE BOOKS for ACTUAL MONEY, that is a valid term for the one-eyed purple-headed womb ferret, and they happen to use it rather a lot.

Personally, I think we could do with a lot more purple-headed womb ferrets. But that's neither here nor there.)

Comments

[weskerismybitch.livejournal.com]

I am never ever going to be able to recover from hearing the term Purple headed womb ferret. I am utterly irreverscibly damaged.

[jheti.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I always thought "yogurt-spurting meat banana" was worse. ^_~

I've also seen it termed a "custard cannon", but I was too busy laughing to be horrified at that point.

[weskerismybitch.livejournal.com]

... I am officially dead.

[starsandtildes.livejournal.com]

Oh, the Sues. Everyone gets them. Thankfully in my fandom they're not usually there for romance, just to be defendants or rivals. The Stus are for banging (Edgeworth. Always Edgeworth).

Perhaps it doesn't work for the "slash aesthetic". I don't use it, but I mostly write characters who wouldn't say it.

[starsandtildes.livejournal.com]

I meant the word "member" in that last paragraph orz

[jheti.livejournal.com]

Ah, don't mind me. XD

I'm just spoiled by having a relatively tiny fandom that's mostly Stus or slash or both. I'd kinda forgotten Mary Sue can come play Mortal Kombat if she wants to. And rack up reviews doing it. *Flinch.*

Ah, true! I've just gotten comfortable with hinting and not naming it, so it didn't parse for me with "member". I mean, in the phrase "moved inside him" it's pretty obvious what's going on.

I guess it is more of a hetfic word, though, huh? I'd gotten the impression from the rants that it's NEVER OKAY TO SAY MEMBER, even in hetfic, which is silly.

In slash, I usually just think of it as a dick, and type "cock" because that's the accepted convention.

Oh god Greed 'says' his is a trouser snake. XD

[starsandtildes.livejournal.com]

I don't see why you can't write slash and het the same way, especially when half the time the guys are turned wussy. Even one of the ranters on FFR does that (one of my fandom buddies adores her fic, but it drove me crazy when I read her recs).

I write the genres the same way, and I hate how "cock" seems to be the only acceptable word in slash because at least one of my "semes" (who is one of my favorites for both slash and het - he ends up in everything of mine I swear) would find it vulgar. Why not use some other softer word?

BTW, I don't traditionally "out myself" on my pairing fic so all you'll find in my stuff is het-by-default.

Greed would :|

[ghostwriter155.livejournal.com]

Oh Jheti, reading that made me laugh. I often find it ridiculous how an author will come up with a million different words to use simply so that they don't have to mention a penis.